When we moved to South America, my work life was uncertain. I was freelancing, so I started accepting basically everything that came up, because you never know when something will come up again. When I started this blog, there was so much I knew I was “supposed” to do to earn readership, and I really wanted to create something that people would find valuable. I started my Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and YouTube accounts for the sake of the blog.
Plus, I do personal development. I’m involved in network marketing (affiliate link), where they champion the grind (for the sake of not always having to grind). After a while, if you’re not reading a page of a book while you’re walking to the bathroom (something a “very successful” person recommended in order to make the best use of your time, blech), you feel like you’re not getting the most out of your life.
An Addiction to DOING
Despite being a yoga teacher, where I learned that we don’t always have to do something…there was always something to do. It didn’t take long for me to feel like every minute not spent doing something related to Your Body Best was a wasted minute. (Despite the fact that it was not really an income-producing project for me. 🙂 ) That feeling or urgency translated into other freelance projects, like content writing for other companies, which actually did produce income.
It’s been really, really hard to shake that.
Working for myself has been more work than any job I’ve ever had. It’s been hardest to give myself permission to move away from the computer and do nothing. I always think, “I’ll just write one more article” and “I’ll just create one more video.”
Busy Isn’t a Virtue
The last few months have been crazy busy in a way I haven’t experienced for a long time. It was a busy-ness that was created by new opportunities in the real world, not a self-imposed busy-ness where I force myself to complete another writing assignment or a “we’re moving again” busy-ness where nothing else matters but paring down belongings and finding a place to live.
A few months ago, two new fitness jobs came up at the same time. I more than doubled my teaching workload in a week, and it includes some very early mornings (like, alarm rings at 3:37am).
I’m not complaining. I LOVE it. I’m so delighted by both jobs, and I’ll talk more about them in future posts.
The first couple of weeks, I did the early mornings and managed to catch up on sleep, but one week, it accumulated a bit. I was just flat-out tired in the afternoons. Normally, I would come home from teaching, write or work on Your Body Best for a few hours, then go teach again.
That week, for the first time, I didn’t have the energy for it. Sitting in front of the computer, I felt groggy and unfocused. So I gave it up and did something a little profound: nothing.
What’s It Mean to Do Nothing?
There were three days in a row where I didn’t write at all.
I cooked a bit and did laundry. I read a couple of books.
And it was fine. Everything was fine.
I’m actually trying to re-learn how to enjoy that stillness, rather than seeing “free time” as an opportunity to get more work done.
On Thursday last week, I worked from 4:30am until about noon, then I had about four hours before I had to go teach again. I did the grocery shopping, then came home and went straight to the couch.
Made lunch and ate it on the couch.
Did a few social media tasks from the couch.
Iced my elbow on the couch.
Read a few pages, then I fell asleep on the couch.
And everything is fine.
I’m now hoping to find a little more balance between rest and a little something else. Not work, necessarily, but maybe watching a movie or being able to get through more than two pages of a book before my eyes get so tired I fall asleep. But until then, I’ll take my couch afternoons. I’m doing enough. I am enough. I have permission to rest.